Blog Assignment #7
Exercise 22 (pg. 143), #2-8
2. Original: With the opening of the East Bloc nations and China to capitalism, what is happening is that American companies are looking for ways of expanding their markets and their product lines to take advantage.
Revised: American companies are looking for ways of expanding their markets and product lines to take advantage of China and other East Bloc nations' turn to capitalism.
(8 words less in revised sentence)
3. Original: Analyzing the situation in China has shown that opportunities for investment are growing.
Revised: Analysis shows that opportunities for investment are growing in China.
(3 words less in revised sentence)
4. Original: In the biography of Lyndon Johnson by Robert Caro, an account of the Senate election of 1948 is described in great detail.
Revised: In Robert Caro's biography of Lyndon Johnson, the Senate election of 1948 is described in detail.
(6 words less in revised sentence)
5. Original: When Julie filled out an application for a work-study job, she was surprised to learn that a detail financial statement would have to be submitted by her parents.
Revised: Julie was surprised to learn that a detailed financial statement was required by her parents for an application for a work-study job.
(6 words less in revised sentence)
6. Original: Getting his new pizza shop to finally turn a profit has meant a lot of hard work and long hours for Tim.
Revised: Tim's successful pizza shop was the result of hard work and long hours.
(9 words less in revised sentence)
7. Original: The overuse of salt in the typical American diet has had the result of obscuring the natural taste of many foods. Nutritionists maintain that a reduction in people's dependence on salt would lead to enhancement of taste and heightened enjoyment of food.
Revised: Nutritionists maintain that less salt in one's diet - which obscures the natural taste of food - will lead to enhancement of taste and heightened enjoyment of food.
(14 words less in revised sentence)
8. Original: The measurement of the Earth's fragile ozone layer was one of the important missions undertaken by the crew of the space shuttle Atlantis. The shuttle was launched in October of 1994. The mission lasted ten days. Humans are put at greater risk of skin cancer, cataracts, and other ailments because of overexposure to ultraviolet radiation. Crops can also be spoiled and underwater food sources devastated as a result of too much direct sunlight. A vast ozone "hole" over Antarctica from September to December every year is particularly worrisome to scientists.
Revised: Due to overexposure to ultraviolet radiation - partly as a result of an ozone "hole" over Antarctica - humans are at greater risk of contracting skin cancer, cataracts, and other ailments; crops and underwater food sources are also at risk. To study this problem, the crew of the space shuttle Atlantis began a mission in October of 1994 - which lasted ten days - to measure the Earth's fragile ozone layer.
(19 words less in revised sentence)
Total Words Less: 65
2. Original: With the opening of the East Bloc nations and China to capitalism, what is happening is that American companies are looking for ways of expanding their markets and their product lines to take advantage.
Revised: American companies are looking for ways of expanding their markets and product lines to take advantage of China and other East Bloc nations' turn to capitalism.
(8 words less in revised sentence)
3. Original: Analyzing the situation in China has shown that opportunities for investment are growing.
Revised: Analysis shows that opportunities for investment are growing in China.
(3 words less in revised sentence)
4. Original: In the biography of Lyndon Johnson by Robert Caro, an account of the Senate election of 1948 is described in great detail.
Revised: In Robert Caro's biography of Lyndon Johnson, the Senate election of 1948 is described in detail.
(6 words less in revised sentence)
5. Original: When Julie filled out an application for a work-study job, she was surprised to learn that a detail financial statement would have to be submitted by her parents.
Revised: Julie was surprised to learn that a detailed financial statement was required by her parents for an application for a work-study job.
(6 words less in revised sentence)
6. Original: Getting his new pizza shop to finally turn a profit has meant a lot of hard work and long hours for Tim.
Revised: Tim's successful pizza shop was the result of hard work and long hours.
(9 words less in revised sentence)
7. Original: The overuse of salt in the typical American diet has had the result of obscuring the natural taste of many foods. Nutritionists maintain that a reduction in people's dependence on salt would lead to enhancement of taste and heightened enjoyment of food.
Revised: Nutritionists maintain that less salt in one's diet - which obscures the natural taste of food - will lead to enhancement of taste and heightened enjoyment of food.
(14 words less in revised sentence)
8. Original: The measurement of the Earth's fragile ozone layer was one of the important missions undertaken by the crew of the space shuttle Atlantis. The shuttle was launched in October of 1994. The mission lasted ten days. Humans are put at greater risk of skin cancer, cataracts, and other ailments because of overexposure to ultraviolet radiation. Crops can also be spoiled and underwater food sources devastated as a result of too much direct sunlight. A vast ozone "hole" over Antarctica from September to December every year is particularly worrisome to scientists.
Revised: Due to overexposure to ultraviolet radiation - partly as a result of an ozone "hole" over Antarctica - humans are at greater risk of contracting skin cancer, cataracts, and other ailments; crops and underwater food sources are also at risk. To study this problem, the crew of the space shuttle Atlantis began a mission in October of 1994 - which lasted ten days - to measure the Earth's fragile ozone layer.
(19 words less in revised sentence)
Total Words Less: 65
posted by Edward Hallex | 10:29 AM
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